Welcome to My Internet Beginning…

Hello! I’m Nikki and I have no idea what I’m doing (how’s that for an intro? haha).

I’m not sure why I’m even starting this, but I am! Something to do? Some place to verbally process life? Reach people who are feeling the same and encourage each other?

Again, I don’t really know, but here I am starting! Months and months (and I actually mean years) after I thought it to be some thing I would be interested in doing.

Imposter syndrome is real in this chica. I over think myself in to procrastination to the point of thinking myself out of it and then being annoyed I’m not doing any thing. But then I also think I have nothing or any thing new to say or (of course) worry what others will think. I can also easily convince myself not to start because I can’t start some thing and it not be perfect the first time (eye-roll, face plant in palm). Another path I can easily let myself walk is; I don’t have time to do any thing I want to do. But when I do get that time I get all antsy because I don’t know what to do with it.

I get very far in to my own head. Too far some times (ok every. single. time).

Reality is that I don’t give myself time to figure that out. It’s overwhelming and tiring to me to think of things I’d want to do. I want to keep my very little energy I do have and trying some thing new may deplete that.

For all the enneagram people, I’m a 9 wing 1. If the above paragraphs don’t prove that, I don’t know what will. 😂

It’s a terrible cycle I want to get myself out of.

I want to find joy and find it in the in between.

I want to find ways to lift the fogginess of my brain.

I want to be able to feel normal again.

I want to stop being apathetic.

I want to have energy again.

I want to not get angry and overwhelmed over the smallest things.

I want to know and experience life the way God has it for me.

What does that look like you might ask? Great question, I have no idea.

But that’s what it’s all about right? As much as I don’t like to admit it. It’s trial and error. Well, here I am! I’m going to start trying!

So if you’ve made it this far:
Thank you! Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I’d love to hear what you’re wanting and learning!

If I could have you walk away with some thing today it’d be: If you’re feeling the weight of the world, tired, brain fogged, overwhelmed, you’re not alone and you are so very deeply loved. I hope I can show you this and truly learn it myself along side you.

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